a pain in the back

This picture has nothing to do with my post, but I thought it was so cute.  The girls got a fun package from grandma H. that had these darling summer outfits inside.  They were so excited and want to wear them just about everyday!!

This week has been filled with trips to Nashville for appointments.  As I mentioned before, I have been having some trouble with my back.  I went to a chiropractor and he told me the curvature of my spine is most likely causing the pain.  After a few visits, my right leg and foot started going numb and my lower back was still in excruciating pain.  I decided to go see a back specialist for a second opinion.  Another x-ray was done as well as an MRI.  The doctor said he did not see any herniated or ruptured discs, so that is good.  He did tell me that my lower back was fractured and that it happened at some point in my adolescence.  He thought I had been a dancer or gymnast based on how bad the fracture is.  He said some people get the fracture for no real reason and that it doesn't come from one traumatic event, but from a repeated motion when the bone is changing to the harder adult bone.  He said because of this condition, the discs will degenerate at a much quicker pace and that he sees arthritis and that two of my discs are in worse shape than you would expect them to be at my age.  More than likely I will always have back pain and while they can do surgery to try and fuse the bone together, unless I am in so much pain that I can't function at all, it really isn't recommended...nor do I want to have it.  As of right now, after standing for 10-15 minutes, my lower back aches something fierce, but it isn't debilitating like it was a week and half ago.  It doesn't wake me up in the night and I haven't been having back spasms like I was.  I don't have full mobility of my legs and holding Caimbree on my hips hurts really badly.  He said the pain can be managed with medication and shots if it becomes more than I want to deal with.  For now, I am going to wait it out and see if it starts to feel better on its own.  The last two weeks have been really difficult and frustrating trying to take after the girls and keep up on the housework.  Being in constant pain has given me so much more empathy for those who struggle with chronic pain...it makes it a lot more difficult to be happy and upbeat.  I was feeling pretty depressed about the pain and the diagnosis, even though I was and am fully aware that my problems are pretty minuscule compared to so many others.  Last night during family scripture study we were reading in Alma 34.  The last verse says, "But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions"...it hit me pretty hard, because I really haven't been very patient or willing to accept that this may be my new "normal".  And while I hope this is not my new normal, I know that first of all, things could be about a bizillion times worse and I have so much to be grateful for, and secondly, these afflictions will not last forever.  I am trying to move forward with a new attitude and outlook on the big picture.