another little girl to love

Yesterday we found out we will soon be blessed with another little girl.  Since I am only 16 weeks I was a little skeptical.  I asked the ultrasound tech how sure she was and she said she is pretty much 100% sure.  I still have a few doubts because really, is it ever 100% with girls?  I mean, this ultrasound tech is awesome and she was right with Heidi and Savanna and my doctor said she has never, ever been wrong, but there's a first time for everything, right?  I decided I better document a few things about this new little one.

As I mentioned before, this time more than ever, we knew there was a little baby waiting to come to our home.  I didn't feel that strong about it with either Heidi or Savanna.  Maybe because we were totally, completely ready and wanted a baby both times in the worst way.  Both pregnancies were a little challenging because of the headaches, but Savanna's felt worse and the recovery after Savanna was absolutely horrendous.  I get stressed out easily, I have a really hard time asking for help, and having two has been a challenge...mostly because I really don't feel like I can give enough of myself to either of the girls.  Anyway, to make a long story short, although I always imagined having 3 kids, we thought about having just the two or at least waiting another year before talking about it.  I mean, how do people know when they are done?  Do you just know?  It's a weird thing to think about.  So I prayed and asked that I would know when our family was complete.  I told the Lord I didn't like being pregnant and I wanted to be a good mom to the kids I already had.  I basically told Him I was fine to be done and to let me know if that was okay.  Ha ha...because it my mind, I guess that's how it works.  In the middle of my prayer, I had this overwhelming, unbelievable feeling/thought pop into my mind.  The kind of thing that doesn't happen to people like me.  The kind of thing that people tell me happen to them and I think, "that's interesting, I wonder if that really happens because it has certainly never happened to me."  I hesitate to even write this for fear of judgement, but at the same time, I really don't want to forget.  Not only did I have this overwhelming feeling that there was another baby, but I saw this little girl standing there looking at me.  I know, it sounds nutty.  It kind of freaked me out and I didn't say anything to anybody, including Jeff.

A couple of weeks went by and out of nowhere Jeff and I started talking about our girls and how they cute and fun they are.  I asked Jeff if he thought we were done having kids and just assumed he would say, 'yes' because he has always said he was fine with two.  He said he thought there was another baby that was supposed to come to our family.  I asked him if we should wait a year and he said, "No, I really feel there is a baby that is supposed to come now."  Then Heidi started talking about the baby in heaven and well, I just couldn't doubt that we were supposed to have another.  Then we got pregnant super fast and I asked Jeff what he thought it was.  He told me it was a girl.  I told him he was saying that because he probably really wanted a boy so he was just trying to make sure he didn't get disappointed.  He told me that while we were out painting the shed, he looked over at the grass at Savanna playing and he had an overwhelming, undeniable feeling that there was another little girl waiting.  I hadn't told him about my experience...I was still in denial and felt weird even telling him about it.  

Even after all of this, I still thought we were going to have a boy.  I figured we would have a boy and then I would keep remembering what I felt and we would have a girl at some point.  I also thought it was going to be a boy just to prove I am crazy.  Now that we know it's a girl, I don't feel quite as crazy.  Jeff is really, really excited it's a girl and has always said he is fine with all girls...of course, I don't think he is thinking teenage years.  I know this little girl is supposed to come to our family now and I am seriously thrilled (I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE having girls), but I am a little sad about the possibility of not having a boy.  I had kind of gotten excited about having a little boy at home and I was excited for Jeff.  I know he says he only wants girls, but if he had a boy, I think he would be so happy.  I guess you never know, maybe one day I will tell the Lord I am done again and we'll have a boy...or another girl.  Who knows.  Either way, we are excited to see this little girl.  We know she is supposed to be a part of our family and know she will bring just as much joy as the other two little girls we love so much!