Grandpa and Grandma Come to Town!

This weekend was fun! Jeff's parents made the trip up to visit. We always love to have visitors...it can get pretty lonely here sometimes! Especially since Heidi joined our family, we love having visitors so she can get to know her family. Heidi was spoiled with lots of extra love and attention and we were spoiled with good company! The weather was beautiful Saturday so we were able to get out and take a walk and give Heidi a cat nap since she didn't want to sleep when her grandparents were here. I guess she just couldn't handle not seeing them every second! Of course grandma and grandpa brought her a darling dress to wear to church. Who doesn't love to spoiling this face?

Reflections of Motherhood

I was talking to my good friend today about how my blog has become very boring for readers outside my family. It has turned from a blog about Jeff and I to a blog about the little girl that has turned our lives into a whole new adventure. The point of my blog is to journal our lives so that our family, especially our kids, can look back and see what they were doing and what they looked like growing up. But, I also want them to know what their mommy and daddy were like and what they went through. So in an attempt to blog about something other than what our little girl is up to, I thought maybe I would take some time to reflect on the ups and downs in the adventures of motherhood! These will probably come out as random thoughts, but my brain isn't quite as organized as it once was!

*I had no idea how hard the first few weeks would be...especially with labor and c-section to recover from. I wish I had just taken all the pain meds prescribed from the beginning instead of trying to be tough. I am SO grateful I had my mom and dad here because if they had only stayed a couple of days, I would have been more of a wreck than I was. I am hopeful that with a planned c-section next time recovery will be slightly easier. I remember sobbing because I was in so much pain physically and sobbing emotionally because I felt so guilty that I had such a hard time just holding my baby. Plus, all the hormone changes don't help!

*I had no idea how difficult it would be emotionally those first few weeks. I know this sounds bad, but I remember when Heidi was going through such a rough time and school was starting and my parents were gone and Jeff was back at work, I would look at Heidi and feel this overwhelming sense of, "this is forever." I felt like I needed help so bad, but didn't know how to ask. It was so weird...especially when school started. I would be sitting rocking Heidi in her room watching the school buses drive past and the crossing guard escort the kids across the street and I kept thinking, "Who am I? I'm not a teacher, I don't feel like a mom and don't know how to be a mom. What am I doing?" It was the strangest, most emotional feeling I have ever felt...it's hard to explain. I just felt lost.

*I remember feeling happy that people wanted to meet Heidi. I was excited to see people, but also stressed. Trying to figure out nursing was hard and having people there complicated it. Plus, I didn't like when she cried in front of people...I still don't. It makes me feel like I am annoying someone.

*Nursing...so hard, but so glad I didn't give up. I was able to give her all breastmilk until about 4 months and little by little she has had to have more formula. I am so proud of myself for making it as long as I have. I hope the next one is easier.

*I learned to stop reading. Stop reading parenting books, blogs, internet sites, etc. etc. They only make me feel inadequate and stressed out. It helped much more to talk to friends about what they did with their kids, etc. All kids are seriously so different and I hate how a lot of the books blanket statement children. They might work for people who have kids that fit that particular model, but all kids do not learn and grow the same! Whenever I would try something and it didn't work, I just felt like it was my fault and I was a failure. Especially those annoying books that tell you it's the parent not the child that is the reason your kids doesn't sleep well, eat well, etc.

*Is it just me or does being a mom make you even more insecure? I have never felt so judged! I know I do it to myself and I am trying to be better but I can't help but compare! "Why can't I get my one child's hair to look cute, when she can get all 4 of hers perfect?" "Why can't I lose the baby weight as fast as so and so?" "Why doesn't my child eat and sleep as good as that child?" and it goes on and on and on! There are so many more things to beat yourself up about!

*I never knew that waking up at 5 or 6 would be so exciting. So exciting that she slept through the night, and so exciting to kiss those cheeks.

*I never knew how much I would love this tiny little thing that requires so much time.

*I never knew how scary it would be when your child got sick.

*I thought crying would be hard, but that really hasn't been hard to be patient with.

*I knew I would have a hard time with having very little sleep, but the only time it was really bad was when she woke up every 30 minutes. Now, every now and then I have to go in, or she will have a bad night where she is up a lot, but it isn't every single night so I don't mind at all. I like feeling that I can comfort her when she is upset, no matter what time it is.

*I am still amazed that my love for her continues to grow. Just when I think my heart is going to explode from loving so much, I love her more.

*I never knew how much I could love a giggle.

*I never thought I would spend so much time thinking about poop...consistency, color, and all that other nastiness.

*I pretty much knew having a baby would be so hard, but for some reason I didn't realize how much it would change the relationship Jeff and I had. At first, it took adjusting, but with time it has become so much easier and I didn't know I could love him more than I already did.

*I felt so isolated at first. I had a cranky baby so I didn't feel I could go anywhere in public because she might explode. Then I felt I couldn't go out because she was sleeping, or needed to nurse, etc. etc. I'm so glad that is getting easier.

*I never knew what a sense of accomplishment and relief I would have after teaching Heidi to nap in her crib. I felt so guilty for so long, but she seriously was not ready until she was about 6 and a half months old...believe me, I tried many, many, many, many, many times!

*I have learned that time goes way too quickly. Even in the beginning when it was so hard, I miss. I LOVE the stage she is at now, but I hate that she is growing so fast.

*I never used to be a germ freak until now.

*My house is not as clean as I thought it would be and dinner isn't ready for Jeff as soon as he gets home every day, and I am not running as far as I had hoped I would be by now, and I still hate the way I look and the way my body looks and the way my hair is falling out, but I'm working on getting better. We can't all be perfect in one day (or at least that's what I tell myself).

*I never knew how much I could dislike winter. I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE! Anytime it is even sort of nice we walk and walk and walk and walk and then nothing gets done in the house, but thankfully Jeff doesn't seem to care that much.

*Sometimes I panic that I am turning 30 and only have one kid. I don't really know why, except that I would like to space my kids but may not be able to space them as far as I would like. Not that I want 10 kids, but you know.

So there you have it. Random thoughts from a new mom. There is nothing I want more than to be a good mom and wife and sometimes I feel that I am failing miserably but maybe if I just get a little better every day I will sort of rock at it before they leave the house...or at least be better than I am today!

Seven Months

Was it really seven months ago that we met this cute little girl? It seems like longer and shorter all at the same time. We can't really remember what life was like without her. We are so incredibly blessed and are loving, loving, loving this stage! Is it bad that I don't really want her to be mobile yet? Well, I don't. It will be just one more sign that she is getting older, not to mention all the child proofing I am not prepared for. Here is some of the latest from Miss Heidi.

*Starting to sit on her own, but for short periods of time. She always falls to the side because she likes the game called, "I want to throw my toys to the side and then try to get them."
*Very ticklish and loves to be tickled.
*The happiest, most content child in the world as long as she is home and has her normal schedule. Take her somewhere else and, well, it's not pretty.
*Climber. She tries to climb up you the second you pick her up.
*Gets SO excited when you come to rescue her from her crib. She kicks her legs like a crazy person and squeals like crazy.
*Sleeps from about 7-6 most nights. Sometimes she wakes up and needs help finding the binky, but most of the time she gets herself.
*Napping in the crib much better. Takes a shorter nap in the morning (35 min.-1hr) and a longer nap in the afternoon (1.5-2 hrs). Hooray! This is all dependent on the last time she ate though.
*Not a great eater. Seriously. Sometimes I feel that I am forcing her to eat. She would prefer to eat an ounce or two and then play. That is what interferes with naps sometimes. :)
*Lasts a long time being distracted when tired or hungry. I am amazed at how long she can go without sleep or food and still be happy. Then she will all of the sudden hit a breaking point.
*Loves to be out and about.
*Likes sweet potatoes, carrots, squash, apples, and so far she can tolerate a few bites of beans.
*Shakes EVERYTHING to see if it will rattle.
*Rolls to her tummy all the time. Rolls to her back when she feels like it.
*Makes the cutest faces and expressions. Raises her eyebrows all the time. We love the look of sheer joy she gets the second she realizes someone is looking at her.
*Likes music and squeals or coos when music starts playing.
*Still has unruly hair. It's hard to find a way to make it look normal. Still sporting a huge bald spot in the back. It is a lot lighter than when she was first born, but it's not as light as the pictures make it look.
*The sound she usually repeats is "ba ba ba", but she has been experimenting with all sorts of sounds.
*Likes to put her fingers in her mouth and blow. Gets really excited if it makes a whistling type sound.
*Squeals with delight if you let her stand on the counter.

I'm sure I am missing a lot because she does something new and changes everyday. Sometimes I still miss working, but I am SO, SO, SO blessed not to have to miss one little squeal. Blessed, blessed, blessed. Seriously.

Little Motorboat

Heidi has been so funny lately. She laughs and squeals the second she sees your hand coming near her because she is sure you are going to tickle her. In addition, she is having fun making all sorts of new sounds. Her new favorite is the one we loving refer to as "the motorboat". When I put her down for a nap she lays there and makes the noise a good 5 minutes before drifting off to sleep. Maybe she only likes napping 30 min. because she is just too excited to make her new noise.




Anyway, besides nap time, she adores this noise the second food enters her mouth. This makes for very messy, but very funny mealtimes. Apparently sweet potatoes taste as good flying out of your mouth as going in. Oh how we love this girl!

Math Seminar

About a month ago I got a call from the school district asking if I would be interested in teaching a math seminar. I LOVE the math program (Everyday Math) and I love teaching, so I thought, why not? I'm glad I accepted because I had a blast. I had a great time prepping for it (I kept telling Jeff, "I get to use my brain again!), setting up for it, and teaching it. It was perfect because they set it up for a Saturday so Jeff was home to watch the munchkin. I think it gave Jeff a little more appreciation for my job as mommy too. It was funny because when I got home that evening, I thought about my day and I thought about what Jeff's day was probably like and I thought, "yep, I definitely had an easier day!" It really was a blast and I felt flattered that the asked me to teach it. I hope they will call for things like this in the future! It was perfect since it was just a one day thing and I am excited to get a little paycheck too, whoo hoo!

New Job

This post really has nothing to do with Heidi, but what's a post without this cute face? As long as we're talking about Heidi, I have to say, we are loving the 6 month phase and she can stay this age as long as she wants!

I have loved staying home, but have been kicking around the idea of going back at least part-time if a job opened...until lately. It seems she does something new every hour and I cannot imagine missing one grin. She is growing up way too fast and I don't want to regret missing a thing...even if I do miss working. There will always be time to work and if I am blessed enough to stay home I should take full advantage of it.

One part of working I have missed though is my paycheck...especially lately. Having a baby definitely costs money and I know she will just cost more the older she gets. I have been having to use more formula lately and well, it just adds up. Oh how I wish I had more milk!

Anyway, a few months ago we were out and Heidi fell asleep in her carseat. We knew she would wake up if we went home so on a whim we took a drive to the town west of us. (This, of course, was before gas prices were where they are now...ugh.) We were driving around and saw some lots for sale. Both Jeff and I had this overwhelming feeling that we needed to move out there...it was really weird, because we had never even talked about it. (This town is the same distance from Jeff's work but about an hour closer to UT). We stewed about it for a long time, but couldn't shake the feeling we should buy the land and that we would figure out where to cut expenses so we could get it paid off quickly. Everything fell into place and we had our half acre by January. Then I caught wind of some part-time teaching jobs that might be opening and I thought maybe that was what I should look into, but never really felt super about it.

Long story short...Jeff was just offered a job in his company that is three pay grades higher. It's a supervisor position that he would have to take at some point in order to move up in his career. If they assigned him to it, his salary would stay the same, but he would only have to do it for one year. If he applied and got it, he would get a pay raise, but be stuck in it until an engineering position opened again...which could be anywhere from 1 year to 10 years.

Anywho, he decided to just apply and see what happened. He got the job and the more we think about it, the more excited we are. The position is shift work, which is why we hesitated even having him apply, but the more we thought about it, the more we realized this is the perfect time for shift work. Jeff, being the engineer minded person he is, calculated it out and realized he will have 40 extra hours with a Heidi a month. Right now, he only sees her 1-2 hours before she goes to bed and on the weekends. This way, he will work longer days, but be home A LOT more. He will actually only be at work 14 out of every 28 days.

The hard part will be when he has to work graves, but everyone we talked to said your body adjusts and he won't work graves all the time. He will also be working two weekends a month, which leaves me to do church by myself twice a month. That will be hard. My friend that I taught with last year has a little boy who is about Heidi's age and her fiancee does it and they love it because they hardly have to take their little boy to the babysitter and he gets so much time with him. The pay raise should help us pay the land off faster and I won't have to go back to work. PLUS, since Jeff will be home during the day quite often, I will be able to sub and keep myself involved in the schools. I am excited for that.

There will definitely be downfalls to his schedule, but if he can get this experience out of the way before Heidi is in school, it will work to our benefit. I just hope it doesn't last more than 5 years or it will be when she is in school and then it will be way hard because then she really won't see him much. We definitely feel that we have been blessed and I am so excited Jeff will have more time with Heidi--that is definitely what we are most excited for. As it is, when he gets home he refuses to put her down. He takes advantage of every second he has with her and I couldn't be more grateful that he pays so much attention to her. It makes me love him all the more!

6 Month Shots and Stats

The one thing I don't like about the new pediatrician I am going to now is that I have to drive to Rock Springs. Not such a big deal unless you wake up to yet another snow storm. SO ANNOYING! Not to mention poor little Heids has yet another nasty cold. She was up all night trying to breathe. I feel so badly for her. She was trying so hard to put herself to sleep and kept trying to breathe out of her mouth. She did pretty well considering how stuffed up she is. When will cold season end? I am so over it this year! In spite of not sleeping as well as she usually does, she was little miss happy pants, which made me feel even worse about making her get shots! She was all smiles and squeals while she waiting patiently for the doctor. Then the needles came out. She didn't cry as bad or for as long as I thought, but it breaks my heart every time.

Anywho, the little miss is growing nicely, though still a little tiny thing!

Height: 25 in. between 10th and 25th percentile (so about the 17th?)
Weight: 13.1 lbs. below 5th percentile

For one day this week we were able to go out walking and boy did we take advantage of it! We went to my friend's house, then we walked over to the school to pick up some stuff I needed for a class I am teaching next week. It was heaven. Can't it please just get warm so I can get this cute girl out of the house?